Girls Gone Mild

Hello Wendy-

I'm very excited to find your website. I've managed to find lots of tools, books and resources for raising modest, and self assured sons... But very little to support my daughter in her journey to adulthood.

Your books and resources truly are a gift. However, there aren't many (any?) brown faces among the delightful cartoons that animate your website. I wouldn't want my daughter to get the impression that she needs to have fair skin in order to be modest.

Thank you so much for your good work! Keep it up!

Sincerely Yours-
Mrs. Paul R. Potts (Grace)
Ann Arbor, MI

I just finished reading "Girls Gone Mild" and as a mother of 3 daughters, I really appreciated that you and the girls profiled in the book had the courage to stand up for modesty. A few years ago we lived in a small community in New Hampshire where it seemed that goal for young girls was to be a mother before they were 15. There were many programs at the high school to support them and it seemed to be the only option for teenage girls in the community. College wasn't encouraged and "slutty" clothes were the norm. My oldest daughter was 12 at the time and was made fun of for wearing modest clothing. This was one of the reasons we decieded to move out of the area, and we now live in a small rural town near Green Bay, WI where all my daughters have good friends with good parents that care about thier daughters futures. I just saw the Miley Cyrus article in Vanity Fair and was very shocked at the photos her parents have allowed to be taken and shown in the magazine. And the fact that she states that her favorite show is "Sex in the City" My daughters love Miley and I am very curious what they will have to say about this.
Thank you again for your courage in writing this book.
Thank you
Cindy

As a grandmother, I wanted to thank you for this wonderful idea and web site. Have contacted my daughters who were very enthused with this entire way of life. As a Catholic who raised 3 daughters in a more moderate time, I have become extremely concerned with the trend that has taken hold of our young girls. My granddaughters are extremely important to me (as well as the grandsons), but I was thrilled to see some up to date fashions that these girls can love and still feel like they are in the generation. As a teen of the 50's, I have been very appalled at the way the world has gone. Thank you so very much for adding a little bit of decency and modesty to these young people.
Am waiting for the response from my daughters but I am sure it will be positive. I know for a fact that my grandgirls will be so in favor of this also.
Keep up the message and God Bless You for this wonderful endeavor..

Wendy, I just finished reading your first book, A RETURN TO MODESTY, and am greatly looking forward to reading GIRLS GONE MILD. I recognized my younger self in so many of the portraits of dissatisfied young women depicted in _Modesty_ that it was sometimes painful to read. It saddens me to think of how much of my true self I squelched when I was in my twenties because I didn't want to be known as "the prude" or "the crazy girl" or "the one who isn't a good sport."

When I was 18, I began to be intimate with my first serious boyfriend. I loved him, but the L-word never came up in our conversation-- at 18, we were told by grownups that we were "too young to settle down" or be in love-- and because of this I convinced myself that 'love' was a bourgeoise concept, one that was beneath me. At the same time I entered into a deep, chronic depression that would come to a head at several critical points in my life.

I married a man when I was 27 but divorced him several years later. Now I am remarried to the boy I loved when I was 18, who has grown into the most wonderful gentleman you could imagine. It was what I wanted all along-- to have ONE love that I could be with for the rest of my life. Looking back, I have to question the society that told me this secret wish was impractical, old-fashioned, or even ridiculous.

Thank you for writing so truthfully about the state of womanhood today.

What an excellent book you have written and I'm asking our local Library to also carry your 1st book. I can't thank you enough for courageously coming forward and promoting the good girl.
I have 2 teenagers, 14 and 18 and it was delightful to read portions of this treatise to them (esp re the 13 yr old Ella's letter to Nordstrom's, etc) It breaks my heart to learn there are parents out there actually giving their kids a hard time for still being virgins. What kind of parental love is that?
I got a big kick out of your approaching your former school, Williams College, and asking if, alongside the "Gay? Fine with me" free T-shirts, they could offer "Virgin? Fine with me" T-shirts. I'm not surprised that they turned you down.
My son is also taking Philosophy in university and I can see as your parents must by now, that you are using all that logic, research and debate to good advantage. Thanks for sharing your outlook on life and the Orthodox Jewish perspective, which I found to be fascinating.

My background is conservative Christian and our kids have mostly gone to a Christian private school. Even though the school has a fairly well enforced dress code, at special banquets the girls are dressing more immodestly and it has felt like a losing battle to keep my daughter to the standards we've encouraged her to have.
It's true that in my youth it was the miniskirts and short shorts that my parents had to battle with my sister and I. Books like yours show youth that there are a host of reasons for waiting for marriage and for women to celebrate their femininity, while saving their sexuality for their beloved.

Hello, Ms. Shalit. I very much enjoyed your article on "Girls Gone Mild" which appeard in the WSJ two weeks ago (I'm a little behind in my reading!)
There is something wrong with people who would manufacture a "hot backless mini-dress" for a nine year old....not to mention parents who would allow such nonsense!
And I've lost all respect for Dr. Phil...he's as bad as that other nitwit, Jerry Springer, who just brings on people to fight with one another. A plague on both their houses!
Happy New Year!

Your article in the WSJ is a great article calling the bluff of media and many companies who hide behind 'sexual' messages to promote everything from clothing to TV shows. It is a shame that parents, teachers and society have capitulated to them. Shame on so called 'Doctor' Phil. I used to like his shows but he too, prefers sensational issues and people over helping the cause of real family values.
Congratulations to Ms. Shalit and the thousands of young people for the courage to stand up for what is right - at least for them, and for most.
I hope this movement catches on. Those who want to live 'MILD' and follow traditional family values need not hide. Hold your heads high and be proud.

Hi Wendy; I just finished your book and I had to write you.
I am a 59 year old woman. I have only slept with 3 men - 2 were my
husbands, and 1 inbetween whom I thought I was in love with.
I used to think I was some kind of freak because so many of my friends
slept around and I just couldn't do it. As I got older, I realized that I
was handling sexual relationships in a positive way, and I have never been
ashamed of that. I never understood how someone could have sex with
someone they were not in a committed relationship with. I didn't
understand, and still don't, how a woman could get sexual gratification
that way. I love sex, but only with a man I love. Thinking about having
sex with a stranger gives me the creeps.
I have been so disheartened by the sexual activity of our young women. Your book has given me hope that there are young women out there who value
themselves and who will experience sex for the ecstatic union it can be
rather than use their bodies as a tool for eventual misery.
Thank you so much for your book and your website. By bringing this
information to the forefront, more young women will see that there are
better choices to be made.

There is a wonderful article in today's WSJ written by Jeff Zaslow about girls and dances....that leads into just what you are saying.

Wendy, I'm so glad to know that someone is finally speaking up and teaching the girls that behaving actually makes them MORE desirable!

I met you in Pittsburgh - 2 of my daughters were with me at your talk. Hope you traveled well!

I heard you on the Radio factor with Bill O'Reilly today. I find you quite refreshing. I get so tired of all the objectification of women from playboy to girls gone wild. It's nice to know someone thinks like me.

Dear Wendy,
I read Kathryn Jean Lopez's review of your book "Girls Gone Mild:..." in the October 8th 2007 issue of "National Review" and am so happy I did. You spoke for me and I think for millions of young women and men who have been ignored and/or exploited. Thank you for writing the book. Our society is hungry for it. CONGRATULATIONS and BRAVA ! My best to you.
Nancy

Wendy, I am in an adolescnece class in college, and as an assignment we were asked to read chapter one. I was so happy to find out what it is about and so thankful that someone is trying to truly take a stand for this cause. I couldn't agree more with the problem we have in society today and am so refreshed knowing that there are other girls out there who also still believe in romance and in standing up for ourselves and what we want and believe in. I will be spreading the word about this book the best I can, and am ordering my own copy right now. I really think it would be great if you also made a myspace profile to get the word out there even more. I certainly know I would help support and promote it! Thanks for what you are doing!

Today I was reading a magazine and came across an article in regards to a website myfreeimplants.com where women can write and post pictures of themselves and men sign up as benefactors and give donations to help women get boob jobs?!!! I went on to the sight and am speechless - women thanking their wonderful benefactors for the donations - as one women says "hooterville here I come" and another comments "I am almost at my goal and soon I will have big boobies and you won't be able to take your eyes off me lol!!" the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Perhaps these men (benefactors) could donate their money to children starving in third world countries, how about to the cure for diabetes or the stroke and heart foundation ....or to women who have lost their breasts to cancer and need reconstructive surgery - Once again women putting themselves in positions where men can feel like they own them (or should I say a piece of them) I think we've finally hit rock bottom!!!

I am currently a junior in high school and I am all too aware of the crisis in which today's teenage girls now find themselves. Let me preface this by saying that I was not raised in a highly traditional household or forced to have these views by my parents, but that I came to them by my own decision because of what I've seen with my peers. Girls today are being told by many different sources- whether it be friends, boyfriends, teachers, TV, books,magazines, and even parents- that they should adopt the "No Big Deal" attitude. The more detached you can be from your sexuality, the cooler you are. If you don't go to parties and "hook up" all the time, then you are (by society's standards) missing out on a large portion of the "high school experience." Since when did the "high school experience" entail ruining your life with meaningless flings and drinking until you pass out? Why is this such a valuable part of our culture? Why is this lifestyle idealized by 98% of the teenage population? I have felt increasingly alienated from my peers because I decided from an early age that I would never partake in that lifestyle. Teenage girls are suffering from an extreme form of degradation masquerading as feminism. It is not "liberating" to give yourself to any guy, any time, anywhere. When will teenage girls start to realize that this new trend in relationships (or lack thereof) is totally stacked in favor of the guys? The media is trying to convince us that it's a good idea to sleep around, that we shouldn't care if he calls back, and that this is a good idea. It causes romance to be a thing of myth; a thing of the past. intimacy has become cheapened by how available it is. I am so sad that the girls who I know claim to be "just having fun" when in fact they are all suffering from extreme lack of self-worth. This new form of "feminism" where promiscuity= freedom is not what the women at Seneca Falls wanted. They were fighting for the empowerment of women, which this most certainly is not.
Wendy, you're my hero! Never let anything get in the way of your message.
-Amanda, age 16

Wendy, here's a standing ovation for your new book. You are announcing for all of the broken and deceived young ladies, who think they have no choice but to give their bodies away, to hear: "The emperor has no clothes!"
I couldn't help but wonder if you have taken the time to look into John Paul II's writings on the Theology of the Body or Christopher West's work making this profound philisophical work accessible to the average person. This work only confirms and gives deeper philosophical underpinning for everything you observe in your book. A fully actualized human being must be integrated: body, mind, heart, and spirit, all of his components functioning harmoniously. When one attempts to separate the body from the heart or the mind he/she become disintegrated. No wonder women are distraught when they follow the culture's advice to separate their body from their heart in casual sex. Being disintegrated should be painful!
See some of Christopher West's writings at http://www.christopherwest.com/works.asp. One of the most enlightening ideas I have gleaned from Christopher West is the distinction between puritanism (which, in its negativity, fueled the sexual revolution) and a positive purity (which celebrates the beauty and goodness of the body and sex). A quick explanation of this point can be seen in his article, Hugh Hefner's Longing for Love, at http://www.theologyofthebody.com/11-10-06.asp.
Of course John Paul II's and Christopher West's work come from a Catholic Christian perspective, but as your book wisely demonstrates in it's deliberate lack of faith-based arguments, truth is truth, common sense is common sense! While God has been advising man about his sexual behavior for thousands of years, human reason, at its finest and without any agendas, will ultimately come to the same conclusions as God has. Perhaps it has taken the experimentation of the sexual revolution and its devasting physical, emotional, and cultural consequences, to show that God is not a repressed celestial killjoy, but that he was actually using good sociology and psychology in suggesting that we save our bodies for committed monogamous relationships with the opposite sex. (He ought to know what would be best for us; after all he made us.) Faith, truth, and reason, ultimately, cannot conflict. Your book does an excellent job of using human reason to demonstrate (while not overtly) that what God has been saying all along was right!
Keep up the awesome work! You, yourself, are one of the role models you say that girls need!

Wendy, I just heard you on CFRA today! You are extremely well spoken and I am so happy that you are taking the stand that you are. My mother bought me your book because I have three young daughters and I am quite concerned about the way society is headed. My biggest concern is that the Ontario government has apparently approved a plan to vaccinate our young children against STD's despite the serious side effects. This is nothing but twisted and I thank God for people such as yourself speaking out against this sexually deformed culture. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your book.

Wendy, I just saw your interview an hour ago on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. Way to go! Thanks for empowering girls to stand up for what they believe. I have a 12 year old daughter whose favorite shirt says "Modest is Hottest." I'm sure she will enjoy your book as well as your website. It is especially wonderful to find more resources for clothing, bathsuits, etc. Keep up the good work!

This is so great! I haven't read your book yet, just heard about it yesterday, but am so looking forward to reading it. I am 32 and waited until I was married because of my Christian beliefs. And let me tell you, people think I'm some kind of nut, my friends and I have been called repressed and worse.
I am horrified by the stuff I see young girls wearing and playing with (Bratz, etc) today and I thank you so much for being a voice of sanity!

God bless!

Wendy, you are really voicing so much of what others experience. At the time/or in the moment, it is difficult to stand far enough back from their own personal experiences to see the situation objectively and for the absurdity as to how they were made to feel. It isn't until we read about ourselves on the pages of your book that a voice cries out..."oh my gosh that's (was) me!!!"

It is the same voice that we forced to take a back seat in the corner of our mind when crossing lines we deep down really did not want to cross. It is so sad that we have trained generations of women to not be able to trust and listen to their inner voices, and in an effort to raise the bar of empowerment, we have actually lowered it so much it falls off the dignity radar..it reminds me of a story.

When I was in high school (senior year?) I hung out in a group of guys and girls. One of the guys in the group, a handsome fellow was seeing someone in particular. However, every so often, he would escort a different girl on an outing with us. Being a little slow to catch on I kept asking about the regular girl...the one he was supposed to be dating. I got nudges and elbowed to keep quiet...clearly he was not being honest/faithful. However what was even more enraging, was how this group was trying to protect -- him! At one point his 'girlfriend'' we will call her Kate and He - Greg. Kate's best friend saw Greg at the movies with another girl (surprise, surprise - how many people did he think would cover up for him) kate's bestfriend told her," I saw Greg - your boyfriend out with another girl last night and they were clearly not platonic"....Kate confronted Greg with this information at which point he promptly and plain facedly denied it was true. He then turned the entire situation around and was hurt and insulted by the lack of trust, false accusations....blah blah. He got kate to somehow believe that she could not trust the ulterior motives of her BEST FRIEND (who obviously did not know the rules of the "game") and it was either the bestfriend or him.... Kate took a few days to think about this and then she DROVE TO HIS PLACE OF WORK AND APOLOGIZED TO HIM (in front of his co-workers) FOR HER LACK OF TRUST AND ASKED HIM TO FORGIVE HER!!! Which he agreed to do (forgive her - the nice guy that he was).

When I heard this...I was beside myself. The next weekend I saw Kate and Greg arm in arm...everyone was pretending like everything was normal - but to me, Kate looked so pitiful. Everyone in the room knew Greg cheated on her regularly, everyone knew she was living a lie and everyone played the game...except for one soon to be very unpopular girl - me. Standing in the kitchen, Greg approached me and smiled. As he reached for his beer, I whispered in his ear that if he thinks I will play this game and lie and cover up for him he is off his rocker. I will never cover up for him EVER. THE GAME IS OVER! He responded with some profanities - of which I will spare you. I never did see Kate again and I am not sure why, however, I doubt that Kate's inner voice did not try to convince her that Greg was bad news, or that she deserved more/better.

I heard your interview on WPR today and really enjoyed it. I am a high school teacher in Wisconsin, and I constantly see girls attempting to get attention by degrading themselves (skimpy clothes, visible thongs, overt sexuality). I will read your book and share it with my colleagues and students. I will also share it with my friends in grad school; I think they will be extremely interested in what you have to say. Thank you!

As a 38 year old mother of two children - one a girl - who is turning eleven next month I want to thank you for your book and website.

It makes me so sad that young girls today feel they have to find self worth and acceptance by being overtly sexual. With magazines like FHM, MAXIM, and STUFF teaching boys/men that women are nothing more than their breast size and articles such as "how to score in 10 easy steps" and Girls Gone Wild video being mainstream and acceptable.....its no wonder the young women of today are in such a state.

I attended a Motley Crue concert with my husband where Tommy Lee walked around with a hand held camera and women bared their breasts which was put onto the big screens in the arena - both men and women were chanting - almost frenzied like for them "to show your tits!!" I felt sick.

I only hope I can teach/help my daughter to feel secure enough with herself to know she is more than her weight, more than her cup size, more than her looks - she can be anything she wants to be - her worth comes from her intellegence, her compassion, her honesty......she is whats on the inside and can find fullfillment in how she treats and values others and never has to sell her self short. She can feel pride in the fact she doesn't need to dress provocativly and respect her body/herself.

Thank you again.